My Comment

 See the link below

This is true but only partly. As a former neurotic - I hope it was just a neurosis - I suffered from my memories. If your subconscious mind is poisoned, you can't ask youself about anytying because your thoughts go in the wrong direction. So instead of asking myself, I had to suppress all my doubts (the main problem was that my fears were primarily associated with my loved ones) this may seem unspiritual, but that's exactly what Zen Buddhists do during dzazden. Surprisingly, as a result, I didn't get in some kind of vacuum: the very denial gave me the understanding of what was happening around so I began to feel free from my past: it didn't matter to me anymore.

If your past no longer determines the present, then you have a choice. The truth is that we're not only our past, but also our potential, that is, the future - at least until we're denying the past.

http://motherboard.vice.com/read/memory-hacker-implant-false-memories-in-peoples-minds-julia-shaw-memory-illusion  

The Perception of Time during Zazen

If you're perceiving a situation as a whole (while doing zazen, for example), you have a different from the usual perception of time: then each present moment is coming from the future - I'm not discovering anything new: this has already been described in Zen literature. And sometimes, by the way, you can use this perception as a gimmick to achieve the desired mental state when doing zazen: just be a receiver of what is coming from the future.

Some may argue that all we see is the past: for light it takes some time to pass from the object you're looking at to the eyes. This is true, but during zazen, you experience the real anticipation of the future. And this anticipation is exactly the reason why you begin to understand what you see without thinking: you begin to understand what's happening around when you see what will happen next.* Practising just sitting zazen, such a change in time perception is difficult to notice; but if you're doing the Walking Zazen (when you're moving, or changing, in other words, the whole situation with the legs), it becomes obvious.

From Einstein's point of view, past, present, and future are equally real and all exist simultaneously; there is no real difference between them, so there should be no difference for you where the present comes from - from the past, or the future - your destiny is already defined. But in fact, there is such a difference, and this can only be possible if there are different future scenarios, that is, if the future can be changed - that's why it makes sense to think of the future as of the Potential.

At some point of your practice, you may find that having a choice sets you free from your past (since your present is no longer determined by it.) However, it should be noted that the past can also be changed in the sense that you can change your attitude to it so for you it will have a different meaning.

The result of your practice may be the feeling that there are two opposing time's arrows, and the present moment is their intersection; sometimes the present is determined by the past, sometimes by the future (actually, if there is the oppositely directed time's arrow that manifests itself only on a large scale 'from the top', it cannot be detected empirically 'from the bottom'.) This doesn't mean that the goal of your practice should be about trying to predict the future, but somehow you'll learn to anticipate it intuitively. Particularly don't try to predict playing cards or dice: this will just drain you mentally. And, by the way, the weather and women's intentions are two things that I never could guess.

At some stage, your practice will go beyond the present moment and become mainly about understanding, which is the feeling of the future, present, and past at the same time. Therefore, in the long run, you should not discard anything, neither the past nor future, but just integrate everything you have properly: by denying it. Otherwise, without practising understanding, the result of your practice won't differ from the result of brain damage (due to a stroke, for example) although it may well give you a feeling of happiness: for the record, many Buddhists are satisfied with just turning off the left hemisphere.
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*Usually we control a situation by controlling several key objects which, we believe, determine the situation. But while perceiving a situation as a whole, you don't control any particular object but just intuitively feel how the overall situation is going to change - for example, then you observe not what your opponent is going to do but what is going to happen as a result - you anticipate the future.

If you are inclined to self harm

The healthiest way to self harm, I think, is to take an ice cold shower. Especially if the water hits your back between the blades and above.

Your New Intuition

After practising being only rational, Mu became your new intuiton (I hope you've already realized that.) But keep on making sure it correctly reflects reality.